24 July 2009

Paul’s Last Whora

How was I to know this day would be so symbolic? The day started with a hello from Brooke and a farewell in many ways to my other half.

Gong to New Hope to see Dr. McGinn will be an experience forever etched in my mind. What made it remarkable were the “aww yes” moments, or what I fondly call, “Jessica moments.” Jessica McKinnon being the person, that described the experience to many of us a couple of months ago at group.

The moments occurred while getting gas early in the day and coffee later in the day. The first situation occurred when I stopped at the Delaware House for gas. The darn pump kept declining my credit card, saying the zip code I entered was wrong. At that point, I realized I would have to parade up to the cashier dressed as Brooke with my male driver’s license and credit card. This experience was going to be bad. I was already running about 30 minutes behind for my appointment; I needed gas, and still had about two hours to travel.

As with many of my preconceived notions during this journey, the initial assumption was dead wrong. I remembered Jessica telling us her story, about people just wanting to be treated nicely and with respect. When I got to the cashier, in a week female voice, I explained my situation in the nicest way possible. The young man behind the glass couldn’t have treated me with more respect or have been nicer. He took my credit card and ID, and processed the transaction for me. Though he knew my true identity, when he was done, he smiled and told me to have a great day. The moment wasn’t about me or being trans. It was about “reaping what you sow.”

Getting coffee latter in the day was a similar experience. I dread interacting with people when I have to use my female voice. It’s not there yet, and is a dead give away to who I am. Taking what I learned earlier, I applied the same approach again, and got similar results. Both of these experiences taught me that Brooke has nothing to worry about. She’s ready to come out and live the life she’s dreamed of. In a very big way, these experiences spell a quicker end to the life I use to know.

At the end of the day I came out to one of my best friends. He lives in Philly, and Paul stopped by his place to have dinner with him. We started out by going to a local bar for a few hours before dinner. Over the amount of time it took to down two beers, I told him my whole story. It was during this time and at dinner that I realized: this will probably be my last male bonding moment. In a small way, I will miss those rare moments; but, I will never look back at giving them up with regret. They were stolen gifts; something I never wished of or dreamed for.

Life is good! =D

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